Not About Me

My journey of becoming and embracing "me" is an ongoing, no end in sight, climbing Mt. Everest with no limbs type of quest. In saying that, this title has and is something I continue to struggle with daily. There have been times in my life when I was younger, like my junior and senior years of high school, when I can truly say it was all about me (I had a car, a job, got awesome grades, won awards, had a rigid workout schedule, got into a med school program)-but this is no longer the case-except for the job, the car, and I'm working on the workout schedule:). So, when I get up to the sound of half a gallon of milk getting spilled onto the floor and this sweet, little voice saying, whoops mommy, I didn't mean to and the first thing I'm having to do is figure out where the dirtiest, oldest towel is to mop up this mess before I've even had my morning pee-it's not about me! When I scramble to remove old mascara, slap some deodorant on, and miss a planned date with the treadmill so that I can volunteer in my daughter's classroom (unshowered-don't judge me)-it's not about me! When I drive twenty minutes out of my way to swing into Costco for the 4th time in 2 days because a teacher just sent a note home saying we're signed up for juice boxes for 24 kids for the next day-it's not about me! When my husband calls and says, sorry honey, I can't make it home to tuck the kids into bed tonight (for the 4th night in a row)-it's not about me! This is a season, a season of "not about me". As uncomfortable as it is for me to put my wants to the side and my feeling of being left behind-that is where God wants me. He wants me right where I am, living in Utah, raising 2 exceptional children, and being the wife He's wired me to be. I'm embarrassed to say that too many times I buck at that-I run and hide from it-I try to escape in food, work, coffee, vacations, friendships, fill in the blank....and often when I get an unexpected I love you or a Hey, you're lookin' hot comment from my hubby, it's like a reassuring hug from God, a confirmation that I'm investing my time and energies where He wants them, not me. So, for this time, for this season, I pray-let it not be about me (and if it does happen to be about me for a short time-help me to relish it like a Jenny Craiger at a buffet and transition back into reality gently!) Amen!