I'll Always be your Mommy

My girls and I have this favorite book that my best friend from high school gave me at my first baby shower-I Love You Forever. The gist of the book is that it takes a journey of a mom and her baby boy and a lullaby that she sings to him at every stage of his life and that, he in turn, sings to her when she's dying and then to his new baby girl-I just shed a tear as I'm typing-it's THAT good! The lullaby she sings goes something like: I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as your living my baby you'll be. So, when my 8 year old had a complete and total meltdown this week-I grabbed her, hugged her as hard as I could, and began to hum-I love you forever, I like you for always.....and she looked up at me with her tear stained cheeks and said Mommy, will you always be my mommy? Yes, honey. Even when I'm a mommy? I whispered into her hair, yes, of course, she said what about when you die, will you still be my mommy? I said to her, yes honey, I'll be in your heart forever and always, everytime you think of me, we'll be together. She smiled and said you know what, I'm glad you're my mommy and to that I laughed and said, so am I honey-God picked me for you and you for me.
I tell this story because yesterday I had my own meltdown-one of those-I'm a grownup and should be able to process this on my own, but all my thoughts feel like I'm 8 years old and I just need to sob-meltdowns. Guess who I called? My mom. Even though it's been years since I've called her mommy (if I did at all) and even though I know our relationship isn't always perfect (far from it, actually), she's the one who helped me put things into perspective and find a solution, even through my panic ridden inhales and tears-she'll always be my mom.
It takes 18 years to raise them, 4 to 10 years for college, gain another child in marriage, lucky enough to have grandchildren and always, always we'll be their mommies! I'm hoping this kind of commitment will land me in an excellent nursing facility with hot orderlies, great drugs, lots of visitors, and someone to wipe me! I can always dream, can't I? So, to my girls, if you're reading this when I'm dead and gone (on some kind of holographic imagery or I'm being preserved for the day they find a cure for whatever I died from and you can't wait for me to thaw...) I'll always be your Mommy and don't forget to brush!