Dream Planter

I was a chubby kid. I was chubby before there was PS3's, Wii's, and XBox's to blame it on. I was and still am a reader. I would opt to read instead of going outside to play. That and my Frosted Flakes/Cheese Puff/Cookie addictions pretty much dealt the deck for me long before the term "couch potato" was coined. I had and still do have (with the help of my wonderful beautician) beautiful red hair. That was my in. The red head. The carrot top (which never made any sense since carrot tops are green, but whatever). I was the spunky, smiley, easy going, chubby red headed girl. The first to wear a bra in 3rd grade when Bobby began to call me Suzy Sponge and snap it to make me cry. Again, good times.
My family would take a vacation, if you call going to a place so humid you would get out of the shower, dry off, and still be wet, a vacation spot, then that's what we did. It was campmeeting week the second week of June every year in Anderson, Indiana. We went to service after service and I remember this year they had a kids camp where they passed out white T-Shirts that said "Kids Camp-God Thinks I'm Special". THE most flattering thing for a well endowed 9 year old was a tight white shirt with those words written on it. I was grateful someone thought I was special, so I wore it. I wore it everyday like God Himself personally autographed it. I was special darnnit and everyone needed to know it.
So, on our way back home from vacation, we stopped at a park. I remember it vividly. I was half swinging, dragging my feet in the sand, watching it make my K-Mart brand shoes dirtier and dirtier each time I drug them. I was wearing red running/gym shorts (it was the 80's people) and I was looking down watching my thigh fat squeeze in and out of them by the white seam. I, of course, had my Kids Camp t-shirt on, and my bright red head was glistening in the sun so much so that I'm surprised birds weren't falling from the sky from the sheer blindness of it all. I was watching. Watching my family. Wishing I was somewhere else. Then, I caught sight of someone else playing on the playground. It was a little boy, a little black boy (this was before the times of political correctness). I remember just staring at him, just watching him. Watching him play, watching him smile, watching the blankness of his eyes, it was as if I was a voyeur at age nine. He was enchanting and I couldn't stop staring. Up to this point in my short life, I had mostly grown up in an African American culture in Michigan. I wasn't new to ethnicity. My babysitter in preschool and kindergarten fed me grits and put my long hair in corn rows with those multi colored barettes you get at the dollar store. My best friend was Keisha-say no more. So, then, why was I so taken with this dark beauty on the playground this particular day? My dad finally came up to me and asked me what I was staring at. I said him. He said why. I said I want him. He said why. I said I don't know, but I know that I will have him. He looked at me and said oh.
Fast forward nine years. THE whitest boy asks me to marry him on my 18th birthday. I was so grateful considering my yo-yo dieting and cheese puff addictions had given way to a caffeine and exercise addiction, I had finally blossomed. After my dad gave his permission, he in jest said to me, I guess you won't be getting that black boy. I said, yep, I guess not, and moved on with my life. I got married, had 2 beautiful girls, but never forgot that little boy on the playground. I have told the friends in my life my yearnings to have that. I have assumed up until now that it was a wanting of something I knew I couldn't have. Something forbidden. I now know this is no longer the case. That "God Thinks I'm Special" kid is now a woman, a special woman (not like a helmet wearing, drooling type of special) that is being asked to step out in faith to pursue the dream that I know He planted inside me almost a quarter of a century ago. I am scared. I feel like my life just got somewhat comfortable, why now? I am done questioning. So, whether you agree with me or don't, I am starting a new blog for you to read some boring facts, information on our process, and mostly an outlet for you to come alongside us and support this dream that God had given me so long ago, for no apparent reason except that He has a son waiting for us, that He has chosen and it is time for me to get out of the way and let Him bring him home to us. Just so you know, I've only told a few people that we are moving forward. Some of my best friends in life don't have a clue this is going on. If you are one of them and you are reading this, I apologize, but I needed to be quiet for a season and listen to see if this was true before I began the journey. Also, I don't want to tell everyone we're pursuing this, have it come to a standstill, and then have people ask what's happening, and leave me feeling like I somehow failed. So, please join James and I at: http://dreamplanter.blogspot.com/ and come along for the ride!