You know you have a newborn when....

You know you have a newborn when you look down at your shirt and it is covered in formula from a can exploding upon opening and you're grateful since it's hiding the barf stain.

You know you have a newborn when you take her to her first set of pictures and she pees and pukes on the overpriced prop and you respond with, "Don't worry-I have wipes, they get everything out!"

You know you have a newborn when you lay down on your bed and a suckyface (pacifier) pokes your ear only to roll over onto another one in your back.

You know you have a newborn when you walk in and out of 8 rooms in your house and see a receiving blanket draped across an item of furniture in each one.

You know you have a newborn when you lay down to go to bed at 10:30 pm to fall asleep to Leno, only to be startingly awoken by a scream resembling something out of a bad horror movie.

You know you have a newborn when you finally get to go to sleep to the sound of the static of a baby monitor and you are trying to convince yourself that they are ocean waves.

You know you have a newborn when you say, "Did you wash your hands?" 10 times a day to grown people asking to hold your little one.

You know you have a newborn when instead of your atm receipt giving you your account balance, it only says B R O K E in big letters.

You know you have a newborn when once an insomniac, sleep comes as fast as drool drips from your thirsty dogs jaw.

You know you have a newborn when you know where all Starbucks locations are for not only your caffeine fix, but for their never ending supply of hot water to heat the last minute bottle and use their cleaner than average diaper changing table while you're out and about.

You know you have a newborn when going to bed with your spouse is just that, going to bed.