Code Orange

Remember after 911 and still sometimes today at the airport we have the colors indicating the level of terror threat? When those began to pop up everywhere, my reaction was...duh!!! I grew up in smog central Riverside County California where color codes were an every day news occurance in letting us know if we could safely step outside for a brisk walk or if an oxygen tank was recommended. Since we lived in a one step in the grave retirement community, it was usually the latter. Speaking of one step in the grave, does anyone else think it's inappropriate for 2nd graders to be making R.I.P. tombstones with made up peoples names and info on them????? I almost yanked my kids into home school today.....then I came to my senses....due to code orange.
Someone asked how I was today. I have this bad habit of saying one thing...the right thing....the thing I think people want me to say.....the thing that will allow me to continue going to bible study at my church and not get my children completely ostracized in this community, while all the while having a COMPLETELY different reaction/answer/conversation going on in my head. Kind of like that Zack guy on the tv show Scrubs, but without the big hair (because I'm going bald). It really is sad when a guy has nicer hair than you. So, back to the innocent question of how I was today. I said fine, I asked how that person was, I tried to concentrate, but as I was bending over to get the baby's barf catcher out of the diaper bag in the bottom of the stroller, I felt this twinge. We all know it....I was a human wine bottle and my cork was slowly slipping out. You get the drift. As if I needed this, I have a baby, she poops a lot, she throws up a lot, she talks a lot during group meetings....I adore her and wish I could be as open with my bodily functions and chatter. So as I was politely trying to listen to how this other person was, I was SCREAMING in my mind-CODE ORANGE! CODE ORANGE! Terror (AKA Tampax) levels high....leakage imminent. And that my friends is why I always say pad up. Especially during tp season...pad up. BTW-how did our fine friends at Tampax decide what color to label the levels of absorption? Always is always green no matter if the wings look like a Boeing 500...always green....no discrimination. Not Tampax though, they got crafty....I personally think it was a man because if a woman would have done it they would all be in the one color that takes off the 10 pounds of bloating....black. Tampax black...period.